remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
