these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Found the puke drawer
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
