Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
