I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
