Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
