I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
