also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
