if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
