I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize