R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
