Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
