Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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