I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
