I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
