All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
