while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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