I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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