thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
