Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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