i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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