never play flip cup with pint glasses
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
