I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you will always have a special place in my vag
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
