woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
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