I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
