dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
