Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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