i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
