Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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