god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He better not be in your backpack
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
