4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
