Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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