So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
