no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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