I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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