Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
