Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
