just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
