Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
