Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Please, let me fuck your mom
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
