I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
