I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
