i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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