I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
