I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
