How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
