And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
