I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
