She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
