Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
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Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize