For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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