Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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