My boss' voice literally gives me gas
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
