his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
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Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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