Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
