She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
