you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
