Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
