ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize