Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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