i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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