Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
do herpes really smell.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
