bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
