ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
