last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
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