He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
