New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
