On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
