it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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