uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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