I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
