and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
