So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
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i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
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Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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