Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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