I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
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I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
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I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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